Poor Mouse

Have a look at Susanna Leonard Hill’s blog if you’d like to enter her “Spring” writing competition.

All you need to do is write a children’s story in poetry or prose, maximum 350 words and the story must be about something that really says “Spring” to you.  Also, the last line must be “[Character Name] knew Spring was really here!” or “[Character Name] knew Spring was here at last!”  (You can also write in first person if you want – e.g. I knew Spring was really here…. and present tense is fine too.)

Post your story on your blog this weekend and add your post-specific link to Susanna’s link on her blog.

Here’s my entry:

Poor Mouse

Out in the meadow and under the trees,

A little mouse picked some fragrant lilies.

 

Her soft small nose began to twitch.

Her soft small nose began to itch.

 

And Poor Mouse moaned, “Oh, woe is me,”

As she began to wheeze and sneeze.

Racing away from the vibrant lilies,

Poor Mouse spied a gaggle of geese.

 

Said the mouse to the geese, “Oh please, oh please,

Can you cure me of this wheeze and sneeze?”

 

“Well,” said the geese, trying hard to please,

“How about trying some fresh garden peas?”

 

The peas tasted good like Mouse knew they would.

But they didn’t quite help like she thought they should.

 

Her soft small nose still itched and twitched.

And Poor Mouse groaned, “Oh, woe is me,”

As she continued to wheeze and sneeze.

The geese, not wishing to catch the sneeze,

Waddled off over the hills with ease.

 

Then skittishly scrambling around the trees,

Raced rowdy rabbits, teased by fleas.

 

Said Mouse to Ma Rabbit, “Oh please, oh please,

Can you cure me of this wheeze and sneeze?”

 

“Well,” said Ma Rabbit, devouring some leaves,

“How about trying some luscious berries?”

 

The fruit tasted good like Mouse knew it would.

But it didn’t quite help like she thought it should.

 

Her soft small nose still itched and twitched.

And Poor Mouse whimpered, “Oh, woe is me,”

As she continued to wheeze and sneeze.

 

Ma Rabbit, not wishing to catch the sneeze,

Bounded home swiftly with all her babies.

 

Then, from out of nowhere, with knobbly knees,

An ostrich ran into the tall thin trees.

 

Ruffling his feathers, in the gentle breeze,

He disturbed a hive full of bumble bees.

 

The bees buzzed and swarmed and gave Mouse a fright.

She staggered and stumbled off into the night.

 

Distracted by those bothersome bees,

Mouse no longer wheezed or sneezed.

 

Excited and tired she fell asleep fast,

For Poor Mouse knew spring was here at last!

 

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36 thoughts on “Poor Mouse

  1. Oh, poor mouse – I know exactly how he feels with a wheeze and a sneeze! Love that you wove the bees in. Did you know that local honey can help? I know a honey-man who says the stings have cured his own sneezes.

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    • Thanks for your comments. I had heard that local honey was good for your health. We have Manuka honey in our pantry and take a couple of mouthfuls when we feel a sore throat coming on. Interesting that the bee stings have cured his sneezes.

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    • I tried to use lots of interesting words and alliteration with this story. I’ve been reading some of the other stories in the contest and have found lots of creative sentences, awesome descriptions of sights and smells and great words – good to read others’ work and get some ideas!

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  2. Poor little mouse 😦 I’m glad everything worked out! I guess allergies are a sign of spring for lots of people – who would have thought for a little mouse? I loved the racing rowdy rabbits and the bothersome bees – fun language! Thanks for a great entry, Rachel!

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    • Thanks for organising such a fun competition Susanna. It was so good to read everybody’s stories about what spring means to them. There’s so many talented story writers out there. I found it particularly hard to vote today – they were all so good.

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    • Thanks for reading my story. I’ve just been catching up reading a stack of the spring stories and they are all so creative and very different. It was hard to vote! Glad you don’t get the itches and sneezes.

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