This is my third week participating in the Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers challenge. Thanks to Priceless Joy for organising the challenge and to Vanessa Rodriguez for the photo prompt.
What to do: Write a 100-150 word story (give or take 25 words) relating to the photo prompt. If you’d like to join in, click here for guidelines and information, and to read more Flash Fiction.
Here is my response to challenge #6: State of Confusion
As the sun was setting, Gemma stepped out of her apartment into the chilly autumn breeze. Her high-heels grated against the sidewalk, breaking the silence of the deserted street. She pulled out her compact mirror and applied another layer of lipstick as she walked.
Gemma stopped and looked around. Were the ghostly shadows and street lights playing tricks on her eyes or had her car vanished? She couldn’t remember where she’d parked it. Tiny shoots of panic were beginning to sprout.
Behind her lights flashed and a car unlocked. Gemma whirled around and spotted her beloved BMW on the other side of the street. Confused, she crossed the road. Footsteps followed. She fastened her pace, and so too did the footsteps.
With heart pounding in her chest, Gemma hid in a doorway, hands trembling as she fumbled around in the deep abyss of her handbag. Where are they?
A figure appeared in front of her. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out.
He held out his hand.
“Looking for these?”
(173 words)
Whoa! This is good! Hopefully it was a friendly person handing her her car keys. A mystery! Excellent story and writing!
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ooh this is a good one, I want to know what happened next!
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Exciting! It’s so real, and can happen to anyone. I am left wondering if her keys are held by friend or foe?
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Great, I wanted the ending to be left to the reader’s interpretation.
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That ended on a bit of a cliff hanger! Really good story.
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Good stranger or bad stranger. The word “shoots” of panic I don’t know if that’s right. Sorry not to be picky or tare apart your hard work. It’s just a thought.
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I was trying to describe her growing fear like the shoots of a plant beginning to sprout? Perhaps – seeds of panic began to sprout? Does that sound any better?? Thanks for your suggestion.
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Yeah I get what your saying.
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A good, tense scene. You build it up very well. so that we feel her mounting fear. And the ending leaves us wondering whether she’s safe, or not … Well done. 🙂
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Thanks Millie. I was hoping the story would come across that way.
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She’s really confused. I found myself wondering if she had been drinking or high when she parked her car. I liked it.
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She’s either forgotten where she’s parked her car (I do that in carparks!) or someone has stolen her keys and moved it!
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LOL….a good one, my friend. It kinda reminded me abt those days when I had a car…hehe. ..Cheers! ☺
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Well that was creepy. Was he a stalker? At first I thought she was imagining things and in fact it wasn’t her BMW at all.
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It may have been a nice guy returning her keys that fell out of her bag or it may have been a stalker who stole her keys and moved her car!
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Great story, love the ending. I didn’t see it coming…what happens next – is he an honest helper or key collecting maniac?…I need more!!!
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Let’s go with the maniac!
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Woman after my own heart 😃
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I like a bit of drama and suspense!
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I really really hope she dropped her keys and someone managed to find them. I love the suspense tho, leaves the reader to conclude on their own.
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Yes, I thought I’d leave it up to the reader to make up their own mind on whether he is a good samaritan or a stalker.
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Nice story! Such heart racing moments! I thought someone she knew was playing a trick on her but after the last line it became more real that it was a scary moment. I really hope she’s ok. Great job! 😃
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Thanks!
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Rachel, I wanted to take this opportunity to again tell you how happy I am that you have become a wonderful part of the FFfAW weekly writers’ group. I love reading your stories and you are a very talented writer. Thank you for your continued participation and I hope you will continue. I look forward to reading your future stories. ((Hugs)) PJ
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Thanks for that PJ. You’ve made my day! 🙂 I am now addicted to FFfAW and look forward to your photo prompt every week. And thanks to your blog I have now met lots of wonderful and talented writers. Everyone’s so friendly and helpful. It’s a great group to belong to. xx
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I’m happy to hear that and thank you for all the kind compliments. 🙂
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Hopefully you can see this:
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