Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers – Thud

Flash Fiction 39 Comments

Here’s the somewhat freaky picture prompt for this week’s Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers sent out by  Priceless Joy.  To join in, write a story (100-175 words) relating to the photo prompt.  Click here for more Flash Fiction.

Photo Credit: pixabay.com (‘free to use’ photographs)

In this week’s story I have used the scene and characters from my flash fiction story, Number 9.

Thud

Danny hated sleep-overs at his grandpa’s house; the macabre ornaments, the bizarre noises and the putrid smells, where ghostly shadows slithered across the walls and the rooms were cold and dank.  He always got the strangest feeling that the house was alive.

Danny shivered and pulled the covers over his head, wishing he was home in his warm comfy bed.  If it wasn’t for the rain pelting against his bedroom window and the strange noise coming from the roof, he would probably have been sound asleep by now.

There is was again… thud, thud, thud.

Danny climbed out of bed and pulled down the attic stairs.  He tugged on the light switch cord.  Darkness still surrounded him.

Taking the torch from his bedside cabinet, Danny climbed the narrow stairs.  He peeked over the last rung, shining the torch into the room.

A life-sized clown puppet sneered back at him, tapping its foot.

Thud, thud, thud.

Danny screamed in horror.

“April Fool’s Day!” laughed his grandpa, jumping out from behind the puppet.

(171 words)

I’m not sure about the last line.  Leave it in or get rid of it?  What’s your opinion?

Thanks for reading!

39 thoughts on “Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers – Thud”

    • I haven’t seen the movie but the book is scary. As soon as I saw the photo prompt of that clown I straight away thought of “It” too. Thanks for letting me know what you thought of the ending too!

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  4. Yep, I see It when I look at that clown, too.

    Nice continuation because it shows another side of Danny. He seemed quite comfortable in his grandpa’s house in the first one, but maybe that was just show for his friend… I’d leave the last line in. Unless you want to keep going with this, and maybe his grandpa has some creepy housemates? Now that could be interesting…

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  16. Danny’s scared out of his mind, but he goes to investigate the creepy noise anyway.

    Does he usually contradict himself or is he just a rational, sleep-deprived person who’s able to separate his true beliefs from his feelings (ex., he’s terrified but he doesn’t really believe the house is alive)? If that’s the case, I’m thinking he’s scared, but deep down, he believes he’s safe here. Well, at least before he encounters that freakish clown and has to reconsider his grandpa’s character (lol).

    The fact that he used a torch surprised me, btw. What kind of house is this?! 😛

    Thanks for the weekly dose of entertainment! I love it! ❤

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    • He’s scared but he can’t get to sleep so he has to investigate. He gets the feeling there’s something strange about the house (it’s the creepy mansion house from a few prompts ago!) but believes he’ll be alright as it is his grandpa’s house after all. He used the torch because the light in the attic wasn’t working (Grandpa had taken the bulb out :)) Glad you found the story entertaining. Thanks for your comments.

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      • Ah, yes, the creepy mansion! See, this is why I felt comfortable asking you all those questions and sharing my interpretation because I know you put a lot of thought and passion into your writing. 😀 And Danny’s very brave for going to investigate. I don’t think I would, unless I had no other options lol (but clearly, that doesn’t make a thrilling story like this one).

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      • Yes, ask as many questions as you like and thanks for sharing your interpretation of the story. I definitely wouldn’t be investigating either but you’re right, if I had of written “so he stayed in bed and pulled the covers over his head. The End”, that’s not a very interesting story!

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  17. Oh, what a scary trick to play on a child. I like the way you build up the tension until Danny reaches the attic and the trick is played. I’d say the last line does lighten the mood to finish off with. It also gives us a glimpse of grandpa’s sense of humour as perhaps more mischievous than seriously warped. 🙂

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  18. There was some REALLY solid imagery. I know exactly the smell when you describe ‘dank’. Loved this. I like the bottom line. Or else we wouldn’t know what became of it, although – that’s fun too.

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  21. Hahaha, that last line made me chuckle :D, I wasn’t expecting to see an April fool prank from a Grandad. You descriptions of the scene is so on-point, I could picture it. 🙂

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