Thanks to Priceless Joy for hosting Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers. Here is this week’s picture:
The New Priest in Town
As the congregation took their seats, all eyes were fixed on Father Joshua, the new priest, who stood centre-stage, cloaked in black. He was tall and lean, with a fair complexion and sullen expression.
Father Joshua took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet aromas within the church.
“He’ll be a barrel of laughs,” whispered Jilly to her mother.
“Let’s not make any assumptions until we’ve met the man,” she replied.
Father Joshua squinted and moved his podium out of the sunlight. He tapped the microphone and cleared his throat.
“Gurda, Lorda, Thumba,” he chanted, louder and louder. Suddenly, he thrust his hands to the heavens. An icy gust of wind tore through the church, slamming windows and doors.
Unease rippled among the churchgoers as they nervously looked about.
Father Joshua’s baby blue eyes became deep wells of blood-red ink. He smirked, revealing two large razor-sharp incisors.
“Today,” said Father Joshua, “I feast.”
Jilly screamed and reached for her crucifix.
“Fools!” laughed Father Joshua, excited by their bewilderment. “You invited me in!”
(173 words)
Wow! Quick and incisive. he, he
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Great disguise for a vampire. That inviting them in thing is such a great trick.
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Very wicked little story. I like the idea. Invitation Saks the deal. Great job on this.
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I remembered the inviting them in part from the movie “Lost Boys”! I had to do some research as I was wondering if vampires would actually be able to enter a church. Some said “yes’, some said “no”.
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Like they say, it’s the thought that counts. The people saying no are hoping they are right. 😉
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Nice I wasn’t expecting that, good job!
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Thanks for reading Mandi.
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Ok that was wicked!! Good go on the story
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Thanks!
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Nice twist. Unexpected and satisfying.
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Thanks for reading and commenting Russell.
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Ha ha! Very clever twist! 🙂
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Thanks Edwina. I reckon you should have a go! You’re very good at writing funny stories.
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Thank you Rachel. I can write an account of something ,but am rubbish at stories! 😦
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LOL! Great ending! The tension build up for something good at the end then the twist of a vampire! Love it!
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Glad you liked the twist PJ. Thanks for your encouraging comments.
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You are an excellent writer!
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Very surprising story. Jilly is not thinking …barrel of laughs now!
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Well, I didn’t see THAT coming!
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I enjoyed this story! It is dark and creepy. You built up the tension very well too.
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Thanks for the encouraging comments Francesca. Glad you enjoyed it.
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You did a great job at leaving little clues: his appearance, the sweet scent, moving the podium away from the sunlight – so when he reveals his teeth, I went, “of course he’s a vampire!” The last line is perfect. Great job 🙂
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Thanks Sonya. Good job picking up on the clues!
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Oh my gawd! Time to head for another Parish, I’d say.
I really enjoyed this piece. Flowing smoothly like any other Sunday at church until the “Gurda, Lorda, Thumba,” parts. Now that was spooky.
Ellespeth
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Wicked indeed. I like it. 🙂
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